Tribute to Jessika

For one of my best friends on her birthday.

Jessika Cummins was a powerful force since her days in the womb. She was born during a tornado in a collapsing building that was on fire. The doctor was so nervous that he was unable to deliver her. Jessika got fed up with him and delivered herself. When she emerged a chorus of angels exploded into joyous song, flowers bloomed all around the world, all fighting came to a halt, and Jesus himself descended from the clouds to bless this new baby.

By the time she was ten Jessika already knew everything there was to know in the world. No Encyclopedia could match her wit. She went to school anyway to keep up appearances and mingle with the common folk. They all would fall to their knees as she passed.

One day Jessika’s parents tired to clone her. Why wouldn’t they want two perfect beings to call their own? The attempt went horribly wrong. The lab in which they were conducting their experiment exploded because God was trippin’ that day and didn’t want them ignoring copyright laws. Seeing the rubble and sensing that her parents were beneath it, Jessika dove in head first to save them. Onlookers gathered around, praying for the safety of the family, weeping in despair. Suddenly, a fist burst forth from the debris and Jessika soon followed after it. She pulled out her dirt covered mother and father and a new being no one had ever seen before. It was a twisted mass of flesh and bone. They named it Evan.

Nowadays she rules over the flute section of the Lafayette band with an iron fist. Her flute is secretly a blow dart which she uses to punish those who try to rise up against her. Many freshmen have gone missing this year but no one dares to even think about asking Jessika. Her steely glare can make the biggest of grown men piss their pants.

And yes, Jessika uses crayons to color. She dares Stu and Mike to try and stop her.